A special appointment

So today we had our 20 week ultrasound. I am currently 19 weeks and 3 days. I think that most women go into this appointment with such excitement about seeing their baby that few if any worries enter their head. I have to say that this wasn't my case. Although I was so excited to see that little baby, I couldn't help to think about the brain, spinal cord, heart, diaphragm; all these diagnosis that I see in the hospital. Now don't be confused, I am not making those stories my own. Rusty often gets after me about making others stories my own. I am just simply more aware of all the potentials for things not forming correctly.

We had talked to our marriage counselor about my anxiety over this appointment and by my surprise he said that I need to stop avoiding the fear and anxiety and actually use a technique called AWARE to in a sense deal with it. I know that many people have their opinions on counselors or how they should operate, but ours was right on. I needed to engage the anxiety, but not to the point of letting it control me or becoming a reality for me. But simply being aware of it and not giving it so much power by trying to avoid it; which made the anxiety worse. And of course praying for the Lord to meet me in the thoughts. And so the journey began. I have to admit that I was so scared to do it, but what I found to be the most comforting were those that were praying with me. There were a few friends that I knew that just weren't writing this off as an ultrasound. They knew me and how this took a different meaning. And you know what I heard during my times of crying, praying, and silence? "It will be alright." Now you and I know what that was. But it didn't mean that a perfect baby, but just that I wasn't alone; that my baby wasn't alone... something I had asked some dear friends to be praying over Rusty and I. That we would feel His presence.

We walked into our appointment and waited. Why is waiting the worst part? By the time we were called back to our appointment I was so nervous; but continued to pray Jesus Christ's name in my anxiety. The tech, Jen, was wonderful. We made sure that she knew we did not want to know the sex of the baby. (Even though Rusty looked at me and said "are you sure?") I then began to tell her that I was a NICU nurse (something I never do) and would like her to point out all the organs.

I can't describe the feeling of seeing my baby for the second time. (The first was the 9 week ultrasound.) She began to take us through what Rusty said was an anatomy class. We saw two hemispheres of the brain, the corpus callosum, intact spinal cord, a closed abdomen with a 3 vessel cord, an intact diaphragm, and so on. The tech was so great that after explaining where everything was she asked if there was anything else she would like for her to point out. I was beyond grateful for her willingness to deal with a NICU nurse.

During the ultrasound, we got this picture that flashed across the screen:

 I don't know if you can see the picture well, but it's our little baby G giving a thumbs up. What a sweet gift from the Lord. I was quickly reminded of the voice I heard say "It will be alright."

Our baby is doing well in the womb and hopefully will be in there for another 20 weeks. We continue to pray the Lord's hands over this child that we know is not our own. 

The baby weighed 11 ounces. The heart beat was 150 beats a minute. The baby was ranging in the 160's so my theory on a boy or girl is completely confused!

As for me, I continue to feel great. I am amazed at how different the 2nd trimester is versus the first. I have started to wear a couple of maternity clothes. I haven't felt too much movement or at least anything that made an impression as the one weeks ago.

Me at 19 weeks. Things have been so busy I didn't even realize that I didn

't post an 18 week!

Another note, I went home this past weekend to celebrate my nephew Issac's 1 year birthday. I am amazed at how fast he has grown. I don't get to see the boys (Jess' kids) that much so I am so grateful for the time that I do get to spend with them. Brody had a weeball game I got to go see. I loved getting to be apart of this and was so amazed at how good he is at only 3 years old! My sister and the boys come to visit in a couple of weeks and I can't wait.

My sister made this cake all by herself! The first cake that us girls had was a small bear so my sister has carried on the tradition. I have such talented sisters!

Me and my sister Jessica

What a pro!

I can't help but think he looks so much like his dad here!

We also had a visit from my dad and step mom. We went to the Tennessee Renaissance Festival. It was really neat to see the characters dressed up and the activities going on. I could have done with less heat and less scary costumes from the people attending, but at least people were having fun!

These were the wenches... they were so funny/a little inappropriate. But then again, I had no clue what a wench was until Rusty told me once we left!

I think that is it for now! Sorry for the long post! Hope everyone had a wonderful and safe memorial day weekend. How much longer until the next holiday?:)